i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
