There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
