I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
