i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
