Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
