You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
