There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
