I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
