someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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