wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
