I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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