kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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