I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
