I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
