We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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