if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
