I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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