Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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