My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my being single is dangerous.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
