I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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