i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
