Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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