I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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