Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
