I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
