Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
