It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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