you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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