Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
