dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
