p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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