Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize