What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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