I accidentally had phone sex last night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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