I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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