Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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