Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
