i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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