Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
