Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
