You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
