I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
