The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
