Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
