We won't sleep together?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize