i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
