onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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