all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
