Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
