Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize