I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
