im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
