just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
not ubering you a puppy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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