Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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