remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
