i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
