I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
