This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
