I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
