my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
