I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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