THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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