i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
