Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
