my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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