"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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