So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
