I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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