hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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