stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You were trust falling into bushes
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
